Ain’t That The Truth!

Something I’m very strict on is honesty. I’ve always Been an Extremely honest person – some friends would Even use THE Word “blunt”. Maybe even “painfully”. And I’ve even spent time planning how to be completely honest with the girls when they start asking “those” questions, knowing that being a reliable source of information is more important than any discomfort I may feel. But I was recently quite surprised with myself when, while going through a drive-through late in the afternoon, I heard my voice saying “no, McDonalds is all out of milk so no milkshakes”. and I realised that dishonesty had somehow crept into my life. sure, in this case i was speaking in response to nagging and I didn’t want them having something with sugar that late but the ease by which the untruth rolled off my tongue was disconcerting. then I remembered some of the other moments of dishonesty. “Dora is sad because you hit your sister.” “grandma took the drums to her place.” I can justify some out of protection: “no honey, it’s just sleeping on the side of the road,” or health: “if you don’t eat all your vegetables then team umizoomi will never visit us.” some of the lies were of my own making. saying things like “if you don’t do it now I’ll <insert punishment here>”, but I soon learnt i had to follow through threats no matter how stupid. and that I needed to think before making threats. for a while there, my wife had the girls convinced the beach didn’t actually exist, that it was a made up place. and that ice cream is yucky (the grandparents ruined that one).

Concerned about my ethic, I turned to my friends to see if they had lies in their children’s lives. Jacqui told her son the tooth fairy doesn’t give money for dirty teeth so you had to brush them every day. Lara has told her kids the smoke sensors are actually Santa spy-cams so he’s always watching. Sophie that Santa gets his supplies by taking toys not picked up each night. and Naomi kept her younger siblings in line by telling them she could turn them off with the tv

remote. one unnamed couple has been caught intimately by their toddler twice and told them they were “just cuddling”. and of course, the standard responses of animals on trucks “going to a farm” and of seeds growing in your stomach if you swallow them, or that gum will take seven years to pass or even stay in your stomach forever! that mummy has eyes in the back of her head, nothing to do with the video camera at all. and that peeing in the pool reacts with chemicals that turn the water red/green. the stories get even worse when people start talking about their own parents. faith was told that a mark would appear on her forehead if she lied so spent many years talking with her hand across her forehead.

Kara was told the sheep on really steep hills were a special breed that had two legs shorter than the others so they could stand straight while rob was convinced that his face would stay that way if the wind changed.

But my mind was truly blown by Cathy’s mother who told her that, although she had two children, she’d originally had 10 but the other eight were naughty so she’d cooked them! having canvassed such a wide spread of opinion I have come to the obvious conclusion: my friends are all much better and more frequent liars than me and I obviously have nothing to worry about.

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