Month: March 2015

I recently found a bucket list I wrote many, many years ago. So long ago in fact the term bucket list hadn’t been invented so my list was entitled “Just Live Life and Do It Damn It”.

It’s been fascinating reading the dreams of an Anthony that was care-free and single.

But as I went through the dreams and musings of what feels like another life altogether, I couldn’t help but wonder what a bucket list written AFTER I’d become a parent would look like.

There are obvious choices such as taking the kids to Disneyland and being able to go away for a single night without having to pack 16 bags and play car-packing Tetris.

But the changes in perspective are enormous. Pre-kids Anthony may have fantasised about a cute Danish girl joining him in the shower, but post-kids Anthony just longs to have a shower all by himself without any interruption.

The pre-kids bucket list had extensive travel plans on it. Post-kids I’m happy to get the kids out the door before 7.45 each morning.

 

Pre-kids: Read all the classics.
Post-kids: Actually get to read more than one adult book a year.

 

Pre-kids: Conquer Mt Everest.
Post-kids: Conquer the never-ending mountain of washing.

 

Pre-kids: Stay up all night on a tropical island and watch the sunrise.
Post-kids: Sleep through the entire night and not have to see the sunrise.

 

Pre-kids: Jump out of a plane.
Post-kids: Get through a meal without having to make airplane noises to get someone to eat.

 

Pre-kids: Build a dream house.
Post-kids: Get through a day without stepping on a Lego piece from their dream house.

 

Pre-kids: Participate in a group sky-dive.
Post-kids: Go to the toilet alone.

 

Pre-kids: Attend every match of <your sporting team> live this season.
Post-kids: Get to watch one half of one game on television undisturbed.

 

Pre-kids: Survive swimming with sharks.
Post-kids: Survive drop-off and pick-up at school (survive swimming with sharks).

 

Pre-kids: Learn an art or craft.
Post-kids: Keep your walls free from permanent art.

 

Pre-kids: Dine at Michelin starred restaurants around the world.
Post-kids: Drink a cup of tea without having to reheat it three times.

 

For the record there were 176 things on that old bucket list and going through them I was delighted I’d actually done 152 of them. For a moment I couldn’t help but revel in the abandon of the past.

And then the twins ran into the room with pictures of their horse-riding last week and excitedly recounted everything as if I hadn’t been there with them and I realised that while pre-kids Anthony had fun, post-kids Anthony has purpose.

We still travel. We still embrace new experiences. But now it’s not about me. It’s about showing the girls how wonderful life can be. About sharing the experiences.

I feel a bit sad for pre-kids Anthony: he didn’t have ‘be a parent’ on his bucket list and right now I couldn’t imagine a more fulfilling thing to do.

AS PARENTS WE WANT OUR KIDS TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY.  TO ACHIEVE THIS SEEMINGLY SIMPLE GOAL WE ENSURE OUR CHILDREN EXERCISE REGULARLY AND EAT FRUIT AND VEGETABLES.

No, really we do. Well some of us do. Sometimes.

Ok, maybe it’s more that I heard of a tribe living in remote Guinea where they eat nothing but green vegetables. And they like it. But that’s only because they’ve never heard of marketing. So they’ve never been subjected to the barrage of images that hypnotises us into eating rubbish that thirty years ago our parents would not have even fed to the dog.

At no time is this more prevalent than Easter. For our Guinea readers, Easter is a time of celebration where we gorge ourselves on as many chocolate eggs as our stomachs can handle (sometime more). And by celebrating I mean taunting diabetics with our disregard for their feelings and our own health and waistlines.

No wait that’s not right either… it’s a time where families come together and recognise the beauty of new life. We do this by eating enough sugar to put the children of our personal trainers through private school. And really Easter is about the children. And not just of our personal trainers and dentists. It’s about the ability of our kids to develop the analytical capacity to choose from an endless ocean of chocolate options. It’s about their negotiation skills – the ability to utilise pester power on parents.

And ultimately it’s about learning the lesson that too much chocolate will make you run around like a banshee before collapsing in a heap. A lot of children have problems with this last lesson so they may wish to repeat the exercise a few times.

And by a few times I mean thirty years.

Some traditionalists claim Easter is seven-weeks long. These people are way out of touch.  In the modern world Easter begins December 27 and is marked by the appearance of hot cross buns and the aforementioned eggs on supermarket shelves.

It lasts until the shops no longer have stock. So about May/June. Now some will try to tell you that Easter is about the resurrection of Jesus. That it’s a time of reflection. A time to be spent with family to recognise a major religious event where the Son of God died for our sins. But marketing tells me these people are what scientists call ‘kooks’ and/or dinosaurs. These scientists may or may not be on the payroll of marketing but they wear lab coats and produce ‘studies’ about how nine out of 10 dentists love Easter, so I must believe them.

And after all, these ‘kooks’ also believe Christmas is about goodwill and peace on earth. And – most shockingly – that Christmas is a single day! That’s right. One solitary day. Not a four-month long festival of commercialism and inciting toddlers to nag us for Elsa’s new green dress. Can you imagine?